Tuesday, December 15, 2015

When a Child Speaks Lies...

Scene 1

Mona is deeply engaged in her routine work at home and suddenly her mobile rings—a call from Monica, a very talkative friend of hers. Mona is already running behind schedule, she obviously doesn't want to waste her time for her routine-gossips, so Mona tells her Raj, her husband, to tell Monica that "due to many guests present at home and Mona would not be able to talk." Husband does as told. Little Tina is watching!!!

Scene 2
Raj is an established business man. He could not process Manish’s order beyond the due date. Manish wants to reach to him; Raj doesn’t have reasonable reply, so to avoid him, he doesn't pick up the mobile. After so many trials on mobile, Manish now tries the land line. Raj guards his wife, Mona, to convey that "he is not at home." Wife does the same. Little Tina is watching!!!

Scene 3
Tina is taking a tuition class. Rita, her tutor, gets a call on her mobile. Someone desperately wants her to teach his child for the next two hours. Rita is already pre-occupied with a family program and is no more available for the day; she calmly says, "I am out of town right now." Little Tina is watching!!!

Scene 4
Tony, Tina's elder brother, is requesting his parents to finish the party and reach home early as he has to finish homework. Parents remain busy with friends and they reach home very late. As a result John could not finish his homework and is very upset on next day. Mona snaps a solution and writes a note to his teacher that "Tony was not well yesterday and so couldn't finish his homework." Little Tina is watching!!!

What do you think, what that little girl learned from all these events? That, “Lying is the Solution to any problem”!!

We want to inculcate great virtues in our child right from their early age. But often forget one major principle of child psychology that "Children do not follow our words; they imbibe our behavior." By watching the behavior of the family a child comes to the conclusion that to avoid any uncomfortable condition “LYING” is the easiest way to overcome.

Other reasons for why and how the child learns speaking lies are,

1. to avoid the trouble

2. to get attention

3. to get parent’s acceptance

4. just to make fun

5. out of fear

6. out of shame

7. due to association of classmates or friends

8. to save the sibling of friend (Here the cause is noble) etc.

How to react to the child's lie?

When you come to know that your child is lying with you, the first and natural feeling will be of a betrayal or an anger or guilt or shame or sadness.

1. Do not respond to the issue with negative attitude and emotions. First of all, take it as a developmental or an emotional developmental process.

2. Remember that who your child is now is not the child will be forever. If your child tells a lie, don't overreact to the behavior.

3. Instead of getting angry with the child, find out the reason for this behavior.

4. Establish a strong bonding with child. A child should feel free to discuss any matter.

5. Accept the child's behavior as it is on the first step and then gradually operate the problem.

6. Create a friendly environment where a child does not need to hide or lie for anything.

7. Don't label your child as 'liar.' It will damage child's self-concept and can be a reason for many further psychological complications.

8. Don't discuss your child's negative behavior in public. That may push the child towards negativity.

9. Be alert that 'lying' should not turn into a habit of your child. Take necessary steps for that on right time.

How to deal with this behavior?

1. Talk to the child about the importance of truth, trust, and honesty.

2. Set up firm and clear family rules and regulations about honesty.

3. Try to know the actual reason of why your child is lying?

4. Teach them the harmful consequences of lying by stories or actual incidents.

5. Teach them the difference between short term gains and long terms gain.

6. Do not falsely protect the lie spoken by your child. Teach them to admit it and go through the consequences. That will establish a strong root not to lie again.

7. Teach them to face the responses of speaking truth with bold and high spirit.

8. Discourage the associations of a child which are the cause of speaking lie.

Encourage truth:

1. When your child speaks truth, encourage him with words. DO not always encourage with things. Parent's acceptance should be much…much more important to the child.

2. Discuss your child's honesty with relatives, guests, teachers and the peer group of your child, especially in the presence of your child.

3. Encourage the person of a family for his/her honesty.

4. Set an example of truthfulness and honesty instead of suggesting or discussing them.

5. Periodically create incidents which prompt the child's honesty. Allow the child to express his/her truthfulness. Let them feel that they overcome the 'lie' and win with honesty.


1. Children do not follow your words but your behavior. So first weave the virtues in your life style.

2. Allow your child to discuss openly each matters of his/her day without any hesitation. For that establish a strong and close relationship with the child.

3. Forgive one mistake and warn for another.

4. Parents acceptance and appraisal are two most important factors for children, keeping this in mind, mold your child gently.

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